"I'm headed to the Dominican in January. For the moment I'm going alone; I invited a friend of mine, but he has two young kids." a colleague told me.
"His wife isn't crazy about the idea of being alone with them for a whole week, I guess?" I asked.
"No, she's fine with it; she wants him to go. He doesn’t want to cash in all his favours."
HUH?!?! FOR A TRIP TO THE DOMINICAN!?!? For a parent, it doesn't get any better than a trip to an all inclusive without the kids.
For anyone who is not in a relationship or for those who are in a very one-sided one, let me explain how it works:
For most of you who read this blog, this concept is nothing new, this is one of those unwritten rules which everyone abides by, yet few are willing to speak of out loud. Acknowledging its existence would a) reveal this truism to your other half, who may not have been aware of this reality and/or b) change your relationship dynamic forever. I speak, of course, of the Relationship Bank.
The Relationship Bank exists, like the Twilight Zone, in the recesses of your both your mind, and that of your significant other. It is a subconscious (or perhaps more obvious than that) awareness of accumulated "me" time. "Me" time can be loosely defined as any time during which you are more free than your partner to be your own person; to indulge in selfish behaviour (which can range from putting on a movie for the kids so they leave you be for 90 minutes, to a latte alone in the car, to a trip to Vegas). Example: my wife, last week, went for a facial at 2:30pm - the hour one of us would be normally obliged to walk with our 4-year-old daughter to pick up our 7-year-old son at school, take care of homework and snack, and start thinking about supper. No big deal for me; it was a nice enough day for a brisk walk, and certainly more fun than the activity I was engaged in at the time - stripping wallpaper. But still, for this service, a small deposit was made (virtually and psychologically) into my account in our relationship bank.
Likewise, while my wife works one of her many late evenings, I often invite my buddy over after the kids are in bed to eat junk food and watch some really crappy movies; this generates a couple of free-time bucks in her account. As you may have guessed, in the relationship bank, there are no joint accounts.
But, this guy, Mr. 'I Can't Make It to the Dominican', just doesn't get it. The pinnacle of the relationship bank - the ultimate return - is a "free" trip down south. It's winning the showcase showdown of relationship responsibility. If you're not going to - with your wife's blessing - play golf in the Caribbean, what are you saving up for?? Are you going to keep on top of home renovations and cook candle-light dinners for her for a decade and then hope to sail around the world with Loni Anderson and the complete collection of Star Trek DVD's to keep you company??? (Don't pick apart the metaphor; focus on the greater point).
As for my bank, it's pretty even; except for that trip to France my wife took when our son was 7-months-old. That's a deposit which is still feeding off interest. And the spa facial? The NFL Conference Finals are coming up...
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