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MenGetPregnantToo is a weekly contributor to "The Good Men Project". Every week I will have an article published on their site. There will be an even rotation between original content, and essays previously published on MenGetPregnantToo.com.
Enjoy the most recent original submission, which speaks of how our perspective of what is "Lucky" has changed since the Newtown tragedy:
This is a podcast of my latest interview on CJAD Radio in Montreal. In this "Family Matters" segment we discuss the following topics:
Ahhhh...January 1st. Another trip through this "resolving" door.
How can I make myself better? What changes, goals, targets, bulls-eyes, etc. can I focus on in the New Year? What have I failed to accomplish in these past few decades of life which I will now turn my attention to, lest I continue to fall short of being the perfect human being?
For the past four years (could be six; really, we all know when it comes to New Years' Resolutions, it's like answering a phone survey about how much you exercise: lie, exaggerate, wish it to be true, and hope they don't have spy-cams) my resolutions have been the same:
On an overall score of 2, I'm at 0.5, which is two tenths ahead of where I was four (five? six?) years ago.
As for #1 - The marathon: I'm only about 3.5 hours and 22 miles away from being able to complete the distance. The good news is, I've started running again; the bad news? I know I'm only a Godfather marathon away from leaving it all for a bag of chips and a weekend on the couch.
Besides, my trusty Osteopath warned me against distances of more than 6 miles. I could cheat, but my Osteo is also my neighbor; his picture window faces my front door. He'd know.
As for #2 - The rough draft of the book was actually completed and proofed by an agent who said it was "promising". She then suggested I bolster my chances of getting it published by creating an "online" presence for myself. So now I use all my spare time blogging and creating funny little avatars for myself. The book is around here somewhere. I think it's on my 'k' drive.
So, I'm turning my attention elsewhere this year.
See, there's this woman who lives here. She's fantastic. She helps me out a LOT. She works to provide me with a little extra cash; she pitches in with things like cleaning, cooking, keeping me company on long drives and visits with my relatives; and she occupies the fourth seat at the table when I'm out with my couple-friends. We also have this really cool arrangement: on most occasions, when I can't be with my kids, she'll, like, check this calendar I keep on the wall and she'll take care of them. I dare say she's almost spent more time with them than I have.
What's really cool about this helper/assistant is: she's legally bound to stay with me! We were married ten years ago, and the kids are half hers! LOL!
Cute Penguin Couple by Adam Foster
In fact, I like her so much, I think I'm going to resolve this New Year to take the relationship to the next level. I think I might start dating her (if she'll have me).
Instead of pecking her on the lips (lucky she lets me get that far), and high-fiving her as we pass each other coming into or going out of the house, I'm going to put some time aside for just the two of us. How?
Couple SPA Massage by Be Live Hotels
Yes, this is the year of change! Not like last year, or the year before, or the....
The calendar will become my friend. I'm gonna sit her down, this lady I live with, and together we're going to commit to shared activities (outside of HBO's stellar programming).
May I suggest a similar commitment to any readers out there who have been sharing their house with this other person with whom your share a legal agreement?
If this actually works, and through implementing this new methodology I actually get her to love me, I'll write a book on how I did it. Hmmm a book on restructuring a relationship. That's a great idea....I'm going to put aside Tuesday nights to work on it. ;-)
Have a Happy Holiday, everyone. I'll be back with new posts in the New Year.
Kenny B.
MenGetPregnantToo is a weekly contributor to "The Good Men Project". Every week I will have an article published on their site. There will be an even rotation between original content, and essays previously published on MenGetPregnantToo.com.
Enjoy the most recent original submission:
Good Men Can be Their Own Worst EnemiesThanks for reading,
KB
Image credit: familymwr/Flickr
Thanks to Melissa Dawn Lierman, I'm off my butt and running again.
I suppose this past week will mark the beginning of my "7-months-on" exercise cycle.
One of the tricks to making running less mentally torturous, physically painful and psychologically discouraging during your first days of participation in the sport is to distract yourself by think about anything other than running.
Sometimes, with my fingertips, I'll drum along with my MP3 player, or I'll mouth the words to the song while I gasp for my last breath.
Often, especially during the nighttime runs, I'll reflect on my day as a parent, while my cardiovascular system rids my body of its stress.
While I fought to ignore the numbness in my right big toe (it was -5°C /23°F), I realized how much running has in common with parenting:
1) IT ISN'T ALWAYS EASY:
Especially with each new distance.
With your first newborn, as with your first jog, you may feel bewildered and scared. Your body will feel like this adaptation is unnatural. It's important to remember these are the first steps among thousands you will take in your lifetime. That's not a heart attack you're feeling, it's your body and mind being challenged in a way they haven't been before.
The heart attack will come when you STOP running; i.e. when your kids have a place of their own and stop calling.
2) EVERYONE'S EXPERIENCE/APPROACH IS DIFFERENT:
Some people hop along like little bunnies in a field. Others shuffle like old folks; yet they still go faster than you for some reason.
There are sprinters - short quick bursts; and distance runners - slow and steady. Then, there's you. It's dangerous to assume others aren't feeling the same pain you are. There is no winning formula to running or parenting. You can drown yourself in research, but, your instincts count for more than anything found in a book or online.
If it doesn't feel right, change. Do what you need to feel encouraged and validated.
3) REST BENEFITS YOUR MIND & BODY:
Listen to your body. There will come a point when a few days rest is absolutely necessary to avoid injury. The best parenting advice I was ever given was from my cousin. a pediatrician: "Put time aside for yourself. If you wait for your kids to give it to you, it'll never happen. Kids will keep
taking, and taking, and taking."
Whether parenting or running, fatigue can manifest itself both mentally and physically. Take a day off. Rest, sleep, have a warm bath and a date night.
Wash those stinky clothes!
4) YOU WON'T DIE DOING IT:
At its worst, you'll be gasping for breath, fighting a buildup of lactic acid in your muscles, and wanting to quit.
Your kids will forget to call, ask you a thousand questions over supper when all you want is to sip you wine, and mention in passing they're going out with a girlfriend you didn't know they had.
You will be pulled and pushed. You'll have days you won't feel you can make it back home.
Consider it a challenge; to your psyche as much as your quadriceps.
The winning mantra is: "This too shall pass."
Yes, there will be a 'feel-good moment' in the near future; it's the nature of
the beast.
5) THAT PAIN YOU'RE FEELING? IT'S MUSCLES GETTING STRONGER:
Growing pains.
Kids get them in their legs as their bones stretch.
You'll get them in your shins (and everywhere else) as your muscles are being asked to perform in ways they haven't before.
Your kids will challenge every reasonable thought you have as they develop their ability to debate, question, assert themselves, and grow confidence.
The pain is normal; it comes in spurts as you push for each new distance during training.
As you settle into parenting and running, it's important to remember the pain is disguising a growing strength. Also remember, there are many more days of joy and elation than there are which require Ibuprofen.
FLEXIBILITY PREVENTS INJURY:
It's one thing to put in a workout. It's another to care for those muscles when you're not
racing a clock.
Flexible muscles have a greater range of motion and are therefore less prone to injury.
Kids can be just as stubborn and rigid. While being regimented and disciplined with your approach is a great skeleton for any program, it's the ability to change and adapt that will ultimately save you.
Always running the same course will get monotonous.
Sometimes pizza for supper, and ice cream for dessert, is just fine.
BONUS LESSON: IT'S A WORKOUT!...but one which benefits everybody; especially you and your family.
"Attachment
Parenting"
"Helicopter Mom"
"Doormat Dad"
"Stay-at-Home Mom"
"Working Parent"
Parent love labels. Well, here's ours: "Tag-Team Parenting".
While this jigsaw style helps young children spend more time with mom or dad, and also keeps them out of daycare, it can take its toll on a marriage.
This style of parenting can be
common among freelancers; shift-workers; small business owners; and people who
run their office out of their houses.
It can also become the prominent approach for this Television Producer/Director with a relatively flexible schedule, married to a fellow media member who
signed on for permanent weekends more than a decade ago to be able to be home
with the kids during the week.
It's made even more challenging when that TV Producer also becomes a Daddy
Blogger.
Before our son was born, we
were proud to establish a routine which favored raising a child at home and having
that child looked at all times by either Mom or Dad.
I would make an effort to keep my schedule as Monday to Friday as possible; my wife signed on for permanent weekends. Saturday and Sunday would be my days at
home with the kids.
Perfect.
Even more perfect when there are no kids yet.
Still, it seemed like an ideal balance even as my son began part-time
pre-school at the age of three, and my daughter was still only a year old. They were two young children with simple needs.
*****
As children grow older, their
worlds expand and become more mature right alongside them.
Their friendships become more intertwined; their activities become more
numerous; and their abilities to express their desires become more acute.
Compounding this snowball effect is the increased difficulty to trick a child
to believing whatever their parents say is true. For example, while a 2
year-old might shrug-off and forget:
"I called Johnny's mom, she says Johnny can't play today."
An 8 year-old will respond: "I didn't see you on the phone, can you call
again tomorrow? Also, Johnny signed up for Build-a-Robot class after school. I
want to do that, too. Everyone's doing it."
Chess with Champagne! by Tristan Martin
Now, our typical week involves each of us trying to squeeze in: groceries, house-cleaning, home repair, laundry, phone calls, bill-paying, kids activities, birthday parties, family visits, and play dates, writing, and trying to stay in shape, and a social life around these cockamamie work schedules which have one or both of us either starting work early in the morning; late at night; on the weekend; or all of the above.
In many ways, we are luckier than
most. We have several family members and friends who are more than happy to
babysit.
Unfortunately, we call upon these people most often to cover the hours when
mine and my wife's work schedules overlap.
Rarely do we feel like calling them again for a date night,
or even for a short meal in a nearby restaurant.
Even when baby-sitting is not
required, one of us will try to do groceries or laundry in the morning after the kids are in
school, but before we leave for work, in order to not leave for the person who may already be at the office. Or one of us will come home just after dinner,
but just in time to take one of the kids to their activities.
Yes, the kids spend a lot of time with either Mom or Dad,
but we have little time as a foursome. My wife and I have even less time as a twosome. That sacred hour between 9pm and 10pm - once the kids are in bed and lunches are made, but before we fall asleep on the couch - is precious.
We're often reminded by those close to us how difficult it is to catch us on the
phone. This is because we are too busy before the kids go to bed, and can't be
bothered answering once they're asleep.
With two kids, ages 8 and 5, we're
told these are the "busy" years, which precede the "worry"
years of parenting teenagers.
I wonder if that means the "quiet" years are decades away; once our
kids have children of their own.
Of course, by then, our phone will ring, and we'll be asked to babysit.
Tag. We're it.
They say the toughest posts to write are those in which you reveal a part of yourself you were reluctant to share. Ironically, these can also be the most rewarding writing projects. For me, this week's Good Men Project contribution certainly fits perfectly into both categories.
Thanks for reading: My Life as a Male Figure Skater.
This is a podcast of interview on CJAD Radio in Montreal. In this "Family Matters" segment we discuss the following topics:
