Here is the panel discussion on CTV's Canada AM with myself, AnjumChoudhry Nayyar, and Elizabeth Booth. We discuss whether all this talk of "focusing on the family" will really pay off for Canada's political parties.
In January, I wrote this post about a Master of Public Policy student at Simon Fraser University who, as part of her thesis, was studying Canadian fathers' use of parental leave.
Now a graduate of the programme, Xiaoyang Luo completed her thesis "Organisational Factors Impacting Fathers’ Use of Parental Benefits in Canada". Some of those conclusions have been summarized in this article she wrote for the Vancouver Sun.
It is another set of findings which further support what more and more dads are accepting as fact: an involved father enriches his children's lives and also builds a stronger relationship with the other parent.
The article also discusses the importance of employers accepting the merits of flexible paternity leave. The full thesis is available here: Organisational factors impacting fathers' use of parental benefits in Canada
READ THE FULL ARTICLE HERE:
I'm often amazed how one week parents are thrilled to be nearing the end of the school year grind, yet a few days later they express worry about an overbooked summer.
On yesterday's appearance on City TV's Breakfast Television, I talk with Joanne Vrakas about how parents can, with their kids help, keep control of their summer schedule, as well as their sanity:
BT Montreal: Managing Your Kids' Summer Schedules
I had lunch yesterday with a friend I had not spoken with in more than 20 years. We filled in the gaps of the past two decades: our marriages, our children, our careers.
She said she was surprised I was not a stay-at-home dad.
"Why do you say that?" I asked.
"Because," she replied "it was what you said you always wanted to be."
I remember always wanting children, but I don't remember hoping to marry a good provider who would enable be to stay home and take care of our children full time. I don't remember having said it, but it doesn't surprise me that I did.
I am 42 years old. If I did, as a teenage boy in the eighties, want to focus (and make public) my intentions of becoming a stay-at-home father, how would that have manifested itself?
During the 1950's, a young woman would be encouraged to seek out a 'good provider'. The understanding was, once married, their husband would earn the household's only income, and the woman would housekeep, raise children, and take care of their spouse.
There was nothing unusual about verbalizing those intentions. In fact, expressing an interest in becoming a career woman was largely discouraged.
Kleenoff Jelly Ad 1950 from Good Housekeeping's Picture Cookery.
via alsis35 - Flickr
According to a U.S. Census quoted here by the National At-Home Dad Network, there were 214,000 Stay-at-Home Dads in 2013, more than double the number from the 2000 census.
Might young men begin to voice aspirations of becoming a full-time caregivers to their children?
Today's future fathers have the social freedom women of 50's did not: they are admired whether they choose to have successful careers or also if they commit themselves to the care of their children full time.
How would society react to 17-year-old boys openly admitting that marrying a woman with strong career potential was a high priority? What if they kept their eye out for a good provider?
I am an advocate for hands-on, present, in-the-home parenting; whether by a mom or a dad.
But how would I react if my son said "I don't want to strive to have a professional career; I want to raise my children."
My reaction, in 2014, would be similar whether that point of view was expressed by my son or my daughter. I would encourage them both to have a marketable skill which they can set aside if they choose - and have the luxury to be able - to take care of their children full time.
There are two reasons I don't predict a wave of young men bucking their career search and instead advertising their interest in finding a rich wife. First, society's pendulum is far from having swung away from 1950, and second, the new normal is becoming a household with two working parents rather than a working mother and a stay-at-home father.
Working Parents by Keith Davenport
According to HealthyChildren.org, a household with two working parents has its benefits:
When both parents are occupied with their jobs for eight or more hours per day, there are obvious effects on the family. On the positive side, the family has an increased income and thus fewer financial stresses. Also, when both parents work, there is a potential for greater equality in the roles of husband and wife. Depending on the nature of the parents' work, as well as the family's values, fathers may assume more responsibility for child care and housework than has traditionally been the case.
However, one doesn't have to look much further to learn how being a working parent can lead to poorer eating habits, or even trigger burnout and depression.
So how about that young aspiration of becoming a Stay-at-Home Dad?
Logically, I would never counsel any individual to not work towards skills which can eventually be transformed into a lifelong career. However, if my son - while hopefully excelling at school - said "This is great, but I really home to be a Stay-at-Home Dad." I would consider that a source of pride, perhaps more so even than being half of a successful pair of working parents.
Could it be I don't remember my high school declaration about wanting to be at home with my kids full time because even I didn't take myself seriously?
If my son echo's that sentiment when he is in the 9th grade, I'll be sure to hear him out. The question is: will the rest of the world be ready to listen?
You're a blogger. As a time management exercise, you and your spouse have agreed to set aside one day weekly during which you have the house to yourself to focus strictly on your writing. Now, there should be no excuses. Why is it then, after nine hours you're still behind schedule?
Read more on my Voiceboks.com post:
A Typical Day in the Life of a Parent Blogger
Photo - 3Cs of blogging - by Cambodia4Kids.org Beth Kanter's photostream
I have just returned to the latter half of a Canadian winter, after the kinetic warmth of the Dad 2.0 Summit in New Orleans.
Last year, I wrote about my angst leading up to and my exhilaration heading home from the second annual summit in Houston.
For the 2014 conference, I wasn't sure what to expect from this "opportunity to learn the tools and tactics used by influential bloggers to create high-quality content, build personal brands, and develop business idea". Even more destabilizing, I wasn't sure what to expect from myself.
I will include two videos in this post. The latter is somewhat self-promoting in nature (although both are closely related to the summit). In case I lose you before then, in case you only have four more minutes to give me, watch this first video only. It is a fantastic amalgamation of sound and images put together by XY Media, the Summit's organizing body. Nothing more acutely embodies the spirit and intention of not only this conference, but a new movement of modern dads everywhere:
A few of the great writers in attendance have already done a fine job recapping the weekend's events. If you're interested, you can read these posts by Buzz Bishop or Carter Gaddis.
My takeaways from those forty-eight hours were concise, and very personal. A special thank you to Isabel Kallman, founder of Alphamom.com for reminding me not to look ahead, behind, or to my left and right attempting to measure myself against the competition. Stick to your path, she said, and be true to your work.
Another common message I absorbed (the real challenge being not to let it leak away within the first week home) was...work. To achieve any level of success as a writer (or anything else, for that matter), I can't lose sight of the work involved in getting there.
Those were my lessons.
What is truly magical about Dad 2.0 is how it moulded itself and its messages to each attendee.
If you were to ask each father (and mother!) to talk about the Summit's strengths, they would have drastically different answers. They would surprise each other, and then most likely agree with each other. The Summit is like emotional and intellectual putty. Sculpted, made to measure, directed at nobody in particular and everyone simultaneously.
If you have children, and you have the opportunity, I recommend attending next year's meeting (No, I am not on anybody's payroll!). It can uplift you, recharge you, and I guarantee, no matter your perspective, you will find someone who agrees with you, and yet others who challenge you.
You will return home a better partner, and a better parent.
Finally, here I am on Montreal's Breakfast Television, 48 hours after returning home, discussing the Summit's lasting impressions.
I was recently contacted by a Master of Public Policy student at Simon Fraser University who, as part of a thesis is studying Canadian fathers' use of parental leave.
The student included a survey to be completed by fathers with at least one child born or adopted since 2010, and who lived and worked in Canada at the time. The survey should take around 15 minutes to complete.
From the survey's author:
The purpose of this survey is to explore fathers’ use of parental leave in Canada since 2010. In particular, this survey focuses on the extent to which employment and organisational factors impact fathers’ decisions to take parental leave.
By examining work--‐related barriers and facilitators, this study seeks to identify ways to better support fathers who want to take parental leave. All recent fathers aged 19 and over are encouraged to participate in the survey regardless of whether or not they have taken parental leave in the past.
Here is a link to the survey: Survey for Fathers
If you have any questions, feel free to contact the student directly:
Xiaoyang Luo - [email protected]
A special thank you to the Montreal Gazette's Fatima Arkin for having the interest and taking the time to feature a local parenting blogger. This piece is another feather in the cap of Dads everywhere:
"Dad Blogs About Parenting Experiences" by Fatima Arkin, Special to The Gazette
